A Very Pleasant Realization

Today I figured out some strategies at work. Very profitable strategies. I'm often guilty of comparing my non-teaching jobs to my jobs as a teacher, I guess because the pay+benefits package were such that I could achieve my financial goals. Not that teachers make a lot, but my needs are pretty minimal.

So, today I figured out how to basically double my pay at work. Which would mean I'd be making more at my job at a call center than I made as a teacher! It would not be easy, but I might be able to do it if I work very diligently. I'll give it a try tomorrow and see how it goes.

But the main thing is, I might be feeling hope, which is priceless.

Mixed Emotions

Wow, that was harder than I thought it would be. I just gave away all my art teaching supplies. A couple years ago, I got certified to teach Art. I taught it for one wonderful year, then got fired. I loved teaching Art, but like teaching anything, there are both easy and challenging students, parents, and administrations. I just don't have a hardy or resilient enough temperament to be successful as a teacher. I lost several other teaching jobs before the Art position. Now, I can't even imagine going back into the classroom. I'm so disillusioned by all that happened to me, the politics in the profession, the requirement to always be unfazed by and accepting of totally unreasonable situations... I just can't. I honestly don't know how anyone can manage it. But hats off to those who manage it!

And really, I never set out to be a teacher. But I'll get to that another time. For now, I'm feeling sad and defeated that I failed yet again. I hope God will guide me into a profession He has prepared me for. The saying goes, "When God closes a door, He opens a window." I hope it's true.

Tomorrow someone else is coming for my (non-Art) teaching supplies. That should be fun... 😢

So there are multiple other areas of my life that need attention as well:

• My house needs a LOT of renovation.
• The roof needs to be replaced; it may be the original roof from when the house was built in 1954! But I don't have the money to get a new roof.
• I need to find a career that fits me... at 50. I was a teacher for years, but teaching never works out for me. I was also a real estate agent for years, but I don't really think I want to go back to that either.  So I'm working as a customer service agent until I figure out a career that's a good fit.
• I need to save for my retirement, and figure out how retirement finances work.
• I need to learn how to address my stock investments (the one or two that I have, anyway).
• My house has an attached apartment, and I'd like to get it fixed up so it can be used-- whether rented, or for charity, or just for occasional guests.
• My cholesterol and blood pressure are high, and I want to reduce them naturally. (Yes, I take BP meds.)
• I have an unemployment compensation legal problem, so I need to take care of that.
• I need a bunch of dental procedures done, and don't have the money to pay for them.
• I have a room full of teaching materials, and no more need for them.
• I need to buy homeowners' insurance.

I'm sure there's a lot more. Basically, I need to grow up at 50.

Dear World...

Dear World,
Does anyone even read blogs anymore? I started this blog because I find the need to express some things that I can't anywhere else (such as social media), but I'd like some feedback. If it's supportive. And if anyone ever even reads this. Just putting it out there might be enough.

So I won't lie to you (why would I? This is an anonymous blog.)  Things aren't great in my world. I'm turning 50 this week. I'm totally unprepared. I looked for a self-help book entitled "Growing Up at 50," but apparently none exists. So I guess I have to navigate myself through these scary waters.

The status quo, like I mentioned, is not good. The one positive thing I can say is, things can only get better! At this point, I don't have a lot to show for my 50 years. I'm:

• Depressed
• Alone
• Unmotivated 
• Underemployed 
• Unhappy 
• Overweight 
• Messed up psychologically 
• Unhealthy 

I'd like to start the next half century with some hope. (What is hope, anyway? I'm not even sure what it feels like, to tell you the truth.)

So I'm trying to make some positive changes. This blog is one of them. Starting MoodGym is another. I'm trying to eat better, and I've started exercising. But I have a long way to go. I weigh 170 lbs. I don't have many close friends. My house is a mess, and I'm having a very hard time pulling myself together to get it straightened up. I haven't put away my laundry in months. Dishes remain stacked in the sink.

Like I said, things can only get better. I'm hoping that by putting these thoughts "out there," I'll generate some internal motivation or external support to get things done, and make healthy changes in my life.

Peace.